| Old Pete was just a cowboy that's the only trade he knew But when it came retirin' time he wanted somethin' new He's tired a' cleanin' barns and corrals and pitchin' hay to cows That fixin' fence is ornery work and there's a windmill broke right now. Some of Pete's old buddies were retired and livin' fine They get this social security check just like wages, right on time. And they are free to come and go and live just like they please And Pete he thinks that's right for him just livin' a life of ease. No more brandin's, hot and dirty no gettin' soaked at calvin' time Won't have to fix no blasted fence no more windmills needin' climbed. But when the figurin' all gets done he finds his funds to short To live and browse like he's wantin' to so he's needin' a job of sorts. So old Pete heads into town to visit his old cronies And maybe scout around some for a job to make some money. Now, one of Pete's old friends, livin' in a nursin' home, Put him onto this here job, the local chain store's hirin' some. So old Pete, he hustles down there in his rusty pickup truck And when he gets inside there he's never seen so much stuff Now old Pete ain't been to town much, spends his time out on the ranch Just gets to town for funerals and an occasional weddin' dance. He buys his grub at the country store just a few miles from his home And fuel and feed he has hauled out no need for him ‘a goin'. He's too busy on this place he's leasin' to go traipsin' off to town Has to work long hours every day, keeps the bank from closin' him down. So this here place is new to Pete he ain't never been in before And when he takes a look around he can't believe this store. Then purty soon he finds a guy actin' like he owns the joint And Pete explains he wants a job figures to get right to the point. This guy looks Pete up and down kinda smirks at his old battered hat Then he gives old Pete some papers said, "Fill ‘em out and bring ‘em back". Now old Pete thinks gettin' hired means showin' up and shakin' hands He don't know a thing about papers, applications he don't understand. So soon as he gets done in town Pete takes those papers home And sittin' at his kitchen hutch starts fillin' lines in some. Puttin' in his name was easy, just a last and first is all And then the address, that's a blank, never had one he can recall. So Pete, he scratched his head some then figured, well now, by jing, He'd give hisself an address that'd surely be the thing. So Fortieth and Plumb it is, sure sounds like a right good lick, Forty mile from nowhere and plumb out in the sticks. And then he sees this blank just after the word "RACE" So Pete just printed in there "sold horse, couldn't stand the pace". But one that really threw him, got him all red around the face, Was a box that's printed "SEX" he's a bachelor, what's to say. Now, Pete thinks they're gettin' nosy askin' ‘bout his private time But the irritations just a glimmer till he ogles this next line. They want to know his color now, that's gutsy, just a mite, Well, hands and face brown from sun all the rest is milky white. Now by this time Pete's all fed up with this personal question thing And he almost chucked the paper but he'd try another line Then this line there says, "EXPERIENCE" but there was only a few short spaces Not near ‘nough room to tell about his wreck, broke his leg in three places. So he just wrote "a plenty" and figured that would do it No need to tell the things he'd done, they'd probably not believe it. Now Pete's plumb sick of this whole thing don't see what good it's doin' Thinks maybe he's got it pretty good right where his roots is growin'. But he takes it back the very next day, hands it to the supervisor And the gent says, "Follow me sir" then leads him to the rear. And there's a woman, six feet tall, hair frizzled, (might be on purpose), Her face is long, like a Missouri mule and hands hang down where her knees is. Her teeth are few, her ears are big, hair grows right out'a her nose Her knees are knobby below her skirt, her feet like a Clydesdale's toes. The man says, "Here, this is your boss whatever she says just do that." And then he turns and walks away, leaves old Pete a' holdin' his hat. Now, this gal looks at old Pete with a grin, eyes his lanky frame up and down Then smiles with a coy little squint of her eye, moves up close with never a frown. "Hi ya, sweety, yer just what I need to work in this here department And me and you are gonna be great cause we'll work side by side, you'll like it." By this time old Pete has swallered his tongue, his heart's goin a hundred and ten, His teeth are chatterin' like he's got a chill and the hair on his head is on end. Without a word he hits a run taken strides about ten feet long And without lookin' back for signs of pursuit he heads for the door and was gone. Now, Pete don't slow ‘till he's to his truck, he climbs in that rig with a bound He cranks ‘er up and slams it in gear and throws gravel with the pedal down. He's drivin' as fast as that old truck will go, fenders a' flapin' in the wind And he don't slow up till he's at the ranch, and safe in his own house again. Now, it took old Pete a week to quit shakin' and get his life back on track And he's cleanin' barns and fixin' fence, and thinkin' he's lucky to be back. It'll be a long time ‘fore he goes back to town he's afraid that woman's still lookin' And his greatest fear is that someday one, just like her, will up and hook him. Slim McNaught Until next time. Copyright Slim McNaught All Rights Reserved |
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| OLD PETE |
| "The Saddle Rack" Lines from The Leathertooler Slim McNaught |
| Some fellers just don't have no luck with women, and some days it just don't pay to get too close. OLD PETE |
| October / November 2004 |